Hi! Have you ever had to face a bad break up or a extenuating divorce? If you did and you’re still here, congratulations! You’ve got to the next phase of the game. It’s not easy to recover from heated arguments, slammed doors, abuse, rejection, broken plans and unfulfilled dreams. It’s like having life’s route shifted without knowing where to go and unfortunately there’s no Google maps to help you find an easy way. That’s, like everybody says, ‘when you actually grow’. Standing by the crossroads gives you the possibility to choose: You can always be sad and regret and live in the past for a long time, or you can take the other route and risk finding your happiness.
If I may, I’d always encourage you to take the second route. In my case that’s like buying a flight ticket to the first place displayed on the board. That place you pick up will be like a mirror for you: you’ll have to figure out where to stay, where to eat, what the weather looks like, what kind of clothes you’ll wear, how the people there behave, and what their culture and habits are like. Most importantly you’ll have to figure out who you will be in that new place: the beholder or the trailblazer?
In the book “Getting to I Do” the author, Dr. Patricia Allen, explains how our relationships are designed based on the roles we play since day one when we met our partners. And she says nothing but the naked truth that we all want to avoid – the modern women wanted to play the men’s role without even knowing how to do that or its consequences in the long term. In her book, she says that it’s ok if the man wants to be more ‘feminine’ and take care of the house, as long as he’s validated by his contributions and vice-versa. She affirms that in a relationship there will always be that partner that will be more logical whereas the other will be more emotional. One will provide and the other will nurture. Both roles are important in a relationship, but there has to be an agreement since the beginning on who’s gonna act like this or like that. Once these roles get blurred, confused or unclear the battle starts to take place.
I’m still reading the very first part of her book and I already have a clear idea of what kind of relationships can survive the modern world. I risk to say that the relationships that thrive are the ones where not only men and women know who they are (or where they are in life), but precisely if they have a clear idea of what they want from that relationship. On the other side of the coin, the relationships where each partner loves and respects themselves primarily tend to last longer with more quality of time spent. Ultimately, by having a clear understanding of each others expectations and needs they tend to see and appreciate each other for who they really are because there’s a bond tied to their common values.
I’m not an expert in relationships. I’m just trying to understand why there are so many incredible people alone or getting divorced so fast… My guess is that we’re constantly trying to find what we really want from life and understand the role of a relationship in that picture.
If you’re going through this path of self-realization, my suggestion for you besides the book mentioned above is reading another great book called “You Can Heal Your Heart” by Louise Hay and David Kessler. And if I may, I truly believe that the most important relationship we develop throughout our lives is with ourselves. And for that I’d love to be your mentor on that journey. It’s never too late to start.